how i met my husband

i don't want to do this. but if i don't give this to you, she (mamie) will. and i can't allow this to look any worse than it already does.

let's just say that there is no reason for me to know anything about cars. i mean, my father taught me boats--i'll help you chip barnacles off a hull, refinish the wood trim, even sew you up a spinaker so you can swinging on the halyard.

but cars, i know nothing, zero, squat about. and apparently, neither do my male friends (oh, you know who you are--and yes, i blame you for this, you HEARD the noise).

so a week ago, my car broke up with me. it said, Listen, things aren't working out. it said this with a crazy rattling noise and convulsions. people (you know who you are) shouted: alternator! starter! belts! coils! plugs! five hundred dollars! twelve hundred dollars!

for a week, a whole WEEK, i've been bumming rides, eating chinese, and staving off the desperate need for independence. today, the tow guy comes for the car. he is the nicest man i've ever met. you are, steve. he wants to know what the car is doing. i give him the key--the car does its signature we-are-so-over noise and steve looks up at me: "yeah, it's the battery."
in the background, my next door neighbor is watching and laughing. i hate her and want her to go away.
--"but, all my guy friends... they seemed so sure," i mumble.
--says steve, "what do THEY do for a living?"

i don't tell steve that they're writers. what i do tell him, promptly, is that we should get married. he agrees, but doesn't get off work until 7. which works for me.

while we talk about the wedding, he manages to reattach this entire rubber THING that's been dangling off the front of my car for a year now. i have to say, it was pretty hot.


p.s. it would be possible to misread parts of this as sexist. it just so happens that the only people who offered a loud opinion were men. i'm fully aware that women are equally capable of auto repair as men (prob more so, bc you know, we're smarter), just not this one.

p.s.#2 our friend eric's blog, the heaviest bike, is back up. check it yo.