The Battlefield Where the Girls Say I Love You



That's just the thing: we will never tell you we love you. In fact, we're here only to hold hands across state lines and yell at the world. We're here to try to touch you across this chasm of flown things. Not even that. At most, I will teach you how to make a gin smoothie when there's nothing left in the house. Hannah can teach you several languages and what to do when your car breaks up with you. Thanks for coming out.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

dear you and you, two letters

1. dear teachers,

a thousand apologies. mea culpa. i do realize that the Eng 101 papers the kids schlepped to school today are not the homework we so labored over last night. that work, in all its multi-colored glory, is currently under the dining table. we're doing our best here.

sorry, too, about the spoons. that was my fault. they said, spoons for the yoghurt. i said, sure. i didn't put them in. maybe there's an extra utensil or two?

it's a shame about the juice boxes. i just didn't think of it the last few times i was at the store. and sure those Ethos bottles are way too big, but they're from Starbucks so maybe that will make them look more snobby and less like welfare projects.

you might be happy to know, though, that the children were bathed this morning, that they got on the bus for once, that they're wearing fairly clean socks.


2. dear student,

you weren't the only one who forgot the final draft of his paper. no, there were a few in every class. it happens. i say 'it's due on' a million times, you forget a million times. could happen to anyone. i get it. the brain is a fickle thing.

neither were you the only one who i told to take an absence, run off, and print it. fifty minutes, i said. remember? plenty of time. there are labs here and here and here. i pointed.

you were, though, the only one who took the full 50 minutes. everyone else came running, panting. you strolled in with a minute to spare. it's possible, the printer jammed, the margins were messed up, you fell down a few times on your way to the lab. it's possible.

thing is: when you came in you were wearing a different outfit. head to toe. different shirt, pants, shoes. i'm sorry i shouted, You're joking. i'm sorry i alluded to Sarah Jessica Parker and her wardrobe changes at the Oscars. the white shirt and jeans were fine, clean and neat. actually, the new outfit, the pink shirt and pinker shorts were... it's not about the fashion really. we both agreed on that. you even chided that the shorts were red. i'm glad you were in good spirits. grateful for you saying, It's a student story to tell. it is. i look forward to reading your essay, which came from your bookbag. the one you left in class while you went to change.


yrs,
hannah

19 comments:

Mamie said...

it reminds me of that kenneth koch poem, "this is just to say."
you're doing wonderfully. i love you. they love you. we dislike the same students, only yours have different names and bodies than mine. and we're getting a sitter at some point this weekend.
it's fine.

Anonymous said...

so...does this mean dear hannah will leave the nest this weekend and drink a few. I'll help pay for the freaking sitter if we can get you out for a drink.

Anonymous said...

they do love me. except of course when i pick them up and they go:

--you're one of the last ones to get here. why? do you have a good reason?

--our teacher said if you don't get me on tape this time (no idea what this means) i'll have to sit in my seat and not speak all day.

--did you buy bread so we can eat again?

--you forgot our spoons. we didn't eat our yogurt. we couldn't. we left it there in the cafeteria.

Anonymous said...

dear mon/wed lunch: we're never splitting. didn't i finally admit how nervous it made me? besides, i'm going to quit eating. details to come.

i'm getting a sitter. i have to. jarv, you reading this? no video games, and could you be at my place round 730 or 8? xoxo.

Mamie said...

give me a break. they've got spoons. i just called my sister, who has carpool duty today and is a second grade teacher. double checked. they've got spoons.

T. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mamie said...

yeah, jarvis. 7:40. we gotta be at a show by 8. i'm not even kidding. and if you let those rascals eat the stuff you put in your body, i'll hunt you down, fishsticks.

T. said...

Don't stop eating. Hold on to that feeel-lay-e-ay-ing. Cheesesteak. Meatballs. Ohh-oh-ohhhhhhhh

T. said...

is like a girl thing or can i dazzle you all night with my knowledge of what women want. oh my god, are we commenting in real time.

Mamie said...

WAIT!!!??? we didn't delete a comment. unless you did, han. who's doing this? is it a glitch?

such a jessie spanno moment.

T. said...

It was my stomach rebelling against Hannah's desire to stop eating.

Mamie said...

ohmygod, tom. it's like we're texting. this is awful. and my students think i'm free writing right along with them...signing off.

T. said...

so done with you anyway (typical boy last word stuff).

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

freaks. i've been ACTUALLY grading. except for now of course. this moment. during which i am not grading but commenting.

Anonymous said...

oh and i didn't delete anything. can other people do that. omg. over 1000 pgs of student work. grading. now.

eric said...

People can delete their own comments after posting them. I deleted my enitre 2nd class today. More news on that at 11.

What a girl wants
What a girl needs
What ever makes me happy sets you free
What a girl wants
What a girl needs
What ever keeps me {keepsme} in your arms
Yeah come on
ouuuuuhoooooo

JaySlacks said...

I'll babysit. As long as Uncle Jarvis can drink whiskey, I'll do whatever you guys want.

Anonymous said...

eric: 'i deleted my entire 2nd class'--i can't tell you how pleasing that sounds to me

jarvis: you may take shots of apple juice all night long. smileys!!