1. the bumper sticker on the back of this F-6,750 truck, or whatever they're called: a man without a knife isn't much of a man at all. his W sticker doesn't so much bother me, seeing as how i am now immune to them.
2. portion control a and b:
a) my trainer (merry like the christmas, you might remember her) decided i should also see a nutritionist. nutritionist suggests i bring snacks to work! ones that might fulfill me in lieu of, you know, slabs of mahon cheese on chibatta bread. CRAISONS! she says. AND SMALL ZIP-LOCS FILLED WITH CASHEWS! PERHAPS SOME RAW CARROTS!!! this, before she tells me i can't drink diet coke. as some of you know, my fear of commitment is coupled with a total lack of respect for authority. i immediately drive at top speed to a jack-in-the-box for a jumbo soda.
b) the new wine bar that i love, in spite of the twenty dollar glass of wine, has a wonderful atmosphere. great view. fabulous range of wines (averaging in price 7-10 dollars...not the 18-46 you might expect). only, their food is miniature. like it should be in morgan's dollhouse.
reminds me of that sedaris essay where their meal in all comes to be about 3 ounces. when the server suggests dessert, sedaris sarcastically rubs his belly, says, "i just couldn't."
3. okay, fine. hannah. she's such a woman. she demands you react to her in a way she deems suitable. so today she says, "i have a garbage chute in my new place." keep in mind, while she's bestowing the good word, i'm opening my mail: the new box of checks with some incorrect address, a rejection letter from a shitty journal. i say, "really?" and she actually yells, "REACT!!! REACT, WOMAN!"
4. status updates on social networks. i feel inclined to partake in them and yet, does the pubic really care that you: just ate a hardee's biscuit, are mad at your girlfriend, are sore from running 6 miles, wish h. clinton would. just. stop (although, i rather like that one), or are SO EXCITED ABOUT THE WEEKEND. question mark.
5. george. he's quit smoking. i'm so nervous about this. i come into work in a dress today and he yells, "is it picture day?" the last time i wore a skirt he asked if i was a) applying for another job that day or b) hoping to see george clooney.
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6 comments:
it's chute. this is just like that moment in When Harry Met Sally: is one of us supposed to be a dog in this scenario?
it's 2am. why am i up.
I'm a big fan of the 'Status Update.' How else am I to keep up with people that I never see or talk to? For example, so-and-so was in a poetry workshop with me 8 years ago and the only way we communicated was leaving comments on each other’s poems like, ‘nice detail. I can really see that airplane clock on the wall with your description.’ But now. Thanks to SU, I know that so-and-so is or has been at some point: ready for beer!!!, is what she is, open of business, in Peru, getting sentenced Wednesday, working all day today or being attacked by Goblins!!!! Thank you SU.
omg. i choked a little on my diet coke when i read "ready for beer"
also, i can't believe you got comments. i got stick figure drawings from bill with 'horse flower' or 'blahblob' written over them.
Going to try not to be offended considering the last thing I twittered was, and I quote, "WOOHOO! It's Friday. It's hot outside. And this weekend is going to kick serious ass. Now I just have to get through the next 8 hrs..." That being said, I only twittered that so that the one about nekkidness would go away.
Please don't ever stop drinking diet coke.
i got christmas wreaths from chris mcsween and doodles from bill on any of my kinda-horrible writings whenever christmas rolled around. or any holiday.
this is why i could never twitter: fear. fear of being seen as anything less than: serious. SO serious. about everything. ALWAYS.
granted, this makes me a less interesting human being. see also: this comment. see also: i am not in peru, getting sentenced, working right now, or being attacked by goblins. gratitude for small things, i suppose. tho i'd like to be in peru...
I just slapped simona with a restraining order after she threw an orange gummy bear at me. i mean, facebook does keep us in touch with what's important about communication.
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