Kan (the girl) is inventing new types of kisses. 'ok, pretend you're an ice cream.' i set down my comp papers and look at her. 'this is the kind of kiss that a very pretty girl gives an ice cream she loves.'
normally, she'd be talking exactly my language, but i'm on day 4 (otherwise known as the Final, I'm Done With This Forevermore) day of The Cleansing, so i just sort of resent her bringing up ice cream. still, i'm happy she's showing an early penchant for dada (she's clearly reacting to our current administration), so i tell myself it's charming. i tell myself that right up until the point that she's swiveling my head around 360 degrees with a grip like charles bronson. apparently an ice cream is spun round and round as it's kissed. my head won't cooperate. she grunts in frustration over my squeal of pain when my neck makes a meek objection to being wrung out like a dishtowel.
other times, though, she's horrifyingly practical: we're in the car, and i'm forcing them to listen to classical music on npr b/c it seems like the right thing to do. i'm trying to win them over by making up stories for the music. it works. aaron has spiderman chasing kan's ballerinas; everything's great until i yell excitedly, 'And this is where the mermaids swim up to the ship!' and kan goes, 'Oh hannah,' in a tone that clearly says, 'Oh dumbass.' i stand corrected, it is apparently a completely different part of the story, the part when the pixies dressed in purple gowns come out. 'where's spiderman?' aaron whimpers. we're mad and don't answer.
poor aaron. on the way to their after-school program, Aaron suffered a lapse of screaming about Kan touching his booster seat long enough to observe that the clouds had sad, dark faces and were soon going to cry down upon us. i glance rapturously at him in the rearview, when she goes: Ummm, OKAAAY. Do clouds have eyes? NO. Do clouds have chins? NO. Do clouds have cheeks? NO. Do they have eyebrows? NO. So, do they cry? NO! great job Kan, you've just sent another actuary out into the world.
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4 comments:
I am willing to try the cleansing...I am up to the challenge, but need info.
What do you make it out of (oz of this and that), how many times a day do you drink this concoction and what are the "rules"(no alcohol, food, OJ, vicodin, water, etc)? Oh yeah what is the record…How many days do you do it for, or do you go until you pass out? Thanks.
so my roommate was in charge of this whole thing. she's done it before, but she bailed on day 2 (and who could blame her). i think there are exact recipes/rules you can look up, but she sort of made the drink to taste. so.
organic lemons (dude, i don't know if you need them to be organic, but i'm sure it's better)--you need to just start spooning the pulp out instead of juicing b/c you need a crate of them
organic maple syrup
a boatload of cayenne pepper
then she just filled up my giant nalgene with this stuff and i was supposed to drink it throughout the day, whenever i was hungry. so of course, i finished mine in 2 hrs. you can have as much as you want (the indulgence!), and supplement with herbal teas.
you do this forever, or as long as you can. she did it 9 days her first round, i did it for 5. a friend of mine that i never suspected of being nuts did it for 21. someone else did it for 30.
oh yeah, i think you're not allowed anything else but water. except i definitely started drinking coffee again on day 3 or 4. and i can't let go of my various pills. haven't had any alcohol (unreal), but am going back to wine today. will be blitzed after a glass i'm sure.
Kids say the darndest things...
scarily, i will give up coffee. but not wine. what does that mean about me?!
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