The Battlefield Where the Girls Say I Love You



That's just the thing: we will never tell you we love you. In fact, we're here only to hold hands across state lines and yell at the world. We're here to try to touch you across this chasm of flown things. Not even that. At most, I will teach you how to make a gin smoothie when there's nothing left in the house. Hannah can teach you several languages and what to do when your car breaks up with you. Thanks for coming out.

Friday, September 26, 2008

customer service: part deux

alltel called and texted me all day long yesterday, yelling HIGH USAGE over and over. which makes little sense, seeing as how i'm relatively boring and talk only to a handful of people every day: my family, maybe george or scott, hannah, bo, and my two friends who are both named adrienne.

keep in mind, also, i've had the same alltel account for five years.

after awhile, i ducked into the parking garage pre-shift to call customer service. after providing for them my cell, social, address, other possible contact numbers, and the maiden name of my first pet, claire said:

"it seems your bill is right around 350$ this month."
me: that's odd, claire, seeing as how it's never been more than 127$. ever.
claire: well, we see you've been a valued customer since 2006.
me: 2003!!! 2003, claire!!!
claire: apparently, there have been QUITE a few calls to some 910 number...

from there, it began to make sense. hannah decided, about a month ago, that she HAD to have the new iphone. necessary. and why shouldn't she? what TEACHER doesn't need a touch-screen, weather-controlled alien for a phone? and so, of course, she left alltel for greener pastures. (both of us, you might recall, have been escorted out of alltel in our past, gangster lives.)

but still, she's supposed to be a member of my circle. i know this to be true because when j.r. or r.j. or whatever the cute guy's name is asked me to write down five numbers i call most often, i could think only of hannah's. embarrassing, really, to not recall a single other telephone number.

what happened after that between claire and me is none of your business. what i will say is that i hung up on claire while she was talking and she, in turn, DISRUPTED MY SERVICE. my bill is never late. nothing. she just disconnected my service for personal reasons. which is dirty and i'm sure a bit illegal. fortunately, i'm already turning into one of those curmudgeons who threatens to sue over anything.

this is all to give a warm thank you to hannah, who has now placed even my telephone on a champagne budget.

5 comments:

Unknown said...

That sucks!! Ok, enough about the disruption of your service. On a more important note, you don't have my number stored in your memory? I'm hurt Mames.....really just hurt.

hannah said...

erica, it's real easy: call her five times an hour and talktalktalk. call her when she's sleeping and on dates and occasionally curse at her for not being available enough. say you're growing apart. tell her you have something to tell her... about her. text 911. cry. send flowers. abuse.

just standard relationship stuff.

Unknown said...

I'm going to put some of those tips to use. Mostly when I talk to her it's because she can't get a hold of you (i'll take what I can get).I'll work on these other tidbits in hopes that Mames will develop a deep affection for me too.

Mamie said...

both of you. f off. although, hannah did send me a beautiful bouquet of flowers last year post-op, with a note about "stuff white people like."

and, yeah, just stalk me like she does. i'm too weak to ignore...

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