Here’s what it is: people in waiting rooms aren’t just unattractive, they’re misshapen. I mean, Aaron and I were in a pediatric clinic’s lobby (he’s fine, just a check-up) for two hours yesterday, and I have never seen such a parade of freaks. Like escapees from the set of that X-Files episode where all the people were inbred and crawling out of car trunks. And I know what some of you are thinking: They’re SICK! Cut them some slack! But sick is coughing, looking a little peaked, hair messy. I KNOW sick looking. It’s what I look like every morning. Sick is NOT teeth growing out horizontally like little yellow docks and children in soiled clothing gnawing on chair legs.
Oh, and I’ll tell you something else, I think all this talk about Halloween costumes getting sluttier is justified. Let’s just say that when I was five, I didn’t aspire to be the French maid that was hoping to escape the hell of her life by screwing the boss in a closet. There was this poor kid in that waiting room yesterday, couldn’t have been more than seven. She was obese, gobbling a giant bag of candy, and wearing a shirt that showed her stomach and read in glitter: my sexy ass. MY SEXY ASS. Are you kidding me.
My kids are going out tonight in Angel and Spiderman costumes as per decent. Maus is wearing a mouse costume. Bring on the sugar.
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14 comments:
aaron is "fine?" just a check up? this is a man who cries for days when he gets a drop of water on his shirt sleeve.
boo.
stop fussing with the blog. although, the polka dots made me crazy and you could barely read what we wrote.
I must officially commend your parenting skills -- I do not understand this new trend of letting kids parade around in skankstumes. When I have kids, they are going to dress up as ghosts. They are going to wear sheets with holes cut out for eyes. And they are going to have matching pillowcases in which they can collect candy. And should they complain and insist that a French maid skankstume would be better suited, they will be forced to listen to Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique and de Beauvoir's The Second Sex, over and over and over, with shouting to emphasize the important passages.
good call. i'm putting those on kan's reading list, just to safe emmers. you should have SEEN the costumes out tonight. god help us.
mames--but then i get v. defensive of him, irrationally. like really, don't we ALL hate a wet shirt sleeve?? i'm like that with jeans in the rain, you know when the hem gets wet. ick ick ick.
i spilled coffee all over my shirt sleeve today. i didn't cry (this time) because i have 8,000 papers to grade and felt that it might take away grading time.
also: was at the bar tonight and saw not one, but two french maid costumes. really? really?! one of them apologized when her floofy skirt hit me in the face. eww...
also part two: i'm sorry i've been such a bad blog friend. or friend, period. argh. someday i'm going to not suck. that's a life goal...
did aaron even feel like he was dressing up when he put on his spiderman costume?
also, um, the blog makeover is a bit depressing. not that you asked for my opinion, but suddenly it feels as though i am reading the declaration of independence, or some old lady's grocery list from 1956.
but if you love it, i will learn to love it.
or at least i will try.
"My sexy ass." Now that is awesome.
And I know what you mean about halloween costumes. It's the reason my sister particularly loathes adult halloween (not to be confused with kid halloween, which she says is still okay): it's mostly an excuse for people to raid their underwear drawers, slap on some bunny ears, and call it a costume.
ps: I like the new font on the blog. And there's my two cents.
daisy, we don't care.
well, i don't. hannah's been looking for new templates. one she's found has a pickle on it. so stop it. she's really vulnerable right now.
And then there is a dirty, funny films goggle ad right next to this post. Irony. And yeah, I clicked on it. There's your two bucks. Geez.
Halloween costumes are supposed to be SCARY. It's okay to be a french maid as long as you're a french maid six months after she was found under the mattress in a rank hotel room. (Wait, that would be a hooker, not a french maid. Okay, it's not alright to be a french maid. Ever.)
Also: Did you get a lot of teenage types without costumes? I hate them. I have a good mind to hand out cigarettes next year.
What the fuck is up with this layout? Guess, you can't change layouts like shoes and shirts. You just can't. I'm not sure why you can't, you just can't. And if you do change it, there should be some theme. Fish! Fish! This is a women-focused blog dealing with women and you use fish! What, the king of the sea believes relationships are bad too? I'm sorry. I sound a bit punchy. I've been grading papers again. No conflict. Where is this going? Do you need this detail? Try not to alienate your reader. Remember, in dialogue, less is more...
omg, i can't do any of this justice bc the kids are screaming "mary had a little COW, little COW" since we're eating steak for dinner.
but,
1. shutit Jarv! the only reason this is still up is that Mamie has no idea how to change it. and i actually completely agree with dais. i did the last layout after a Lunesta and thought it was sooo preeettty. but then i woke up. the fish are gorgeous. deal.
2. sally, i carry yr heart. i carry it in my heart.
3. aaron is always spiderman. he sometimes dresses like a little boy.
4. same here, laura. middle-aged men on their way to keg parties were out last night. but i shut off the porch light at that point and drank on the back deck.
um, for the record, i like your original template better. the fish one's okay, but yesterday's was not my favorite. just for the record, not like my vote counts. i have one, but it doesn't count....
no one's vote really counts, except yours.
thanks for carrying my heart. is very heavy.
but i did just discover that i have ABC and ESPN, due to some freakish satellite intervention.
still, this doesn't make up for the fact that another composition teacher made me *cry* today in a meeting. sweet.
where was i going with all this? i don't know. i like the blog format changes. it's like opening a new present every day. i was never a poet.
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