i stepped out today for some crest whitening strips and kan's birthday present. here's the thing: i hate buying gifts for little people. i tend to fail miserably, like the time i bought morgan galoshes and a paisley one-piece bathing suit. she had no idea what the galoshes were and threw them across the living room. upon opening the suit, she mumbled, "my mom hates this kind. she says the tie around the neck won't stay tied and could kill me." my sister felt so bad that the next morning they had a photo shoot in aunt mamie's ridiculous choice of apparel and mailed the pictures to me.
whatever. i'm so mad at hannah i could scream. it nearly caused me to buy kan dora the explorer dolls that talk and really ugly clothes that would embarrass hannah. i nearly bought kan a journal, for crying out loud. SHE'S SIX. morgan's almost six and i know when she put together the invitations for her pretend party, they were supposed to say, "you're invited..." but instead read, "mollymorganlovelovelovemorgan." molly's my sister's name but i thought for sure kids didn't think their moms had names till they were, like, 11.
anyway, this morning i suggested we go on a 24 hour vacation. that's it. just a day. we leave early, get to charleston by 10, shop all day, eat a nice dinner, and go see the avett brothers at the music farm. not a big deal. it's on a sunday, for christ's sake. she says, " i can't leave them." jesus. my parents were gone for the better part of the 1980's. and look, we turned out fine. once i was old enough to reach the kitchen sink, they paid me to stay home alone. as an incentive. she says, "i could get arrested." no, what could get her ass arrested is her finally losing it.
so, we've both had traumatic weeks. well, mainly me. and not traumatic in an "it's all copy let's blog about it" way, but in a "hell, i guess parts of this will be funny in 20 years" kind of way. so i'm yelling at her about charleston and she yell-whispers at me (because she's at school), "i'm trying to be gentle with you but you're making it very difficult." whatever. chucktown, baybay. get your palm tree printed flip flops ready.
so here's what i'm thinking. talley takes morning shift--you know, take the kids to pcj and out for a game of eye-spy in the park. then, tom could teach them how to let their guards down by starting up a game of "trust." perhaps kimi could take them with for yoga. simona has 'em night shift, jarvis brings them to the creative writing office in the morning, and we're home before you know it. before you know it!!!! who's with me???!!!
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10 comments:
i will kill you. this is the same person that said a couple of posts ago that it was somehow a breach of etiquette to sneak out the gym while they were in daycare there... for AN HOUR.
jesus. wish you could see me. am sputtering. am a writhing ball of indignation!!! i don't even know what to scream at you for next.
i have just weeded out all dora things from closet. i open the mail. if you want the kid to see the present, you know what to do.
and also, ALSO! NO ONE is with you. they KNOW that in order for me to go thelma-and-louise-ing it with you, they will be required to go insane.
i was going to give these potential sitters the spiel about how you're in crisis, but you yelling psychotically like this just makes you sound like your own normal, we're-not-gonna-take-it self. omg, am still typing. NO TIME!! MOOOVE!!
why can't you just let go and embrace 24 hour vaycay? and if you don't watch it, i'm getting those damned kids a st. bernard puppy.
bring it. you don't want none of this.
omg, you're so unreasonable.
charleston is SIX HOURS away. how about myrtle beach?! broadway at beach! dixie stampede!! we could take the kids to MEDIEVAL TIMES!!!
Ugh. You guys fight the exact same way in my dreams. But in my dreams you guys are wearing those Middle-Eastern Head dressings and speaking in a language as old as time. And I'm cooking pancakes. Oh, will you be there Mamie? Good. You can watch the kids while me and Hannah go drinking....
well look i think what we're all saying here is that there's going to be some "natural" adjustment time and that there's going to be a lot of "extra patience" needed as we all "adjust" to the "changes ahead"... bcs things are of course "changing"... and we can no longer interact the way we used to with any regularity- though i would suggest finding a stellar babysitter- i'm so like maime its not funny. shirking responsibilities for sanity- do it. and of course i hope you don't kill each other. though this blog would sort of sum it all up- sort of...
jesus. killing each other is inevitable. but, hannah, stop LYING. charleston is 3 hours away. it's not an opinion. factually 3 hours. hate you.
consider it broughten.
broughten! (i hate blogger.)
why won't you talk to me in gchat when YOU have the GREEN dot. listen, i forgot about the bypass okay?
and dude, don't you UNDERSTAND?? people are not that gullible!! ooooh, TWO children for 24 HOURS with NO MONEY!!
don't have the energy to fight you. and mendacious, the truth is (and I'm only doing this to piss off Mamie): WE LOVE EACH OTHER. A LOT.
Off topic I saw this in Scott's Valley near Santa Cruz, the other day in passing, and did not get a chance to take a picture, but here is one I found. Aunt Mames Cafe
strange: mamie's and mame's tend to be nurturers who, in fact, have cafes and darn socks and polish silver and prepare thanksgiving dinner for all 14 children.
you can't blame my parents for being off the mark. they were thisclose to naming me maude.
so that's how you keep your teeth so white...
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