Mim (my wife) to Aaron: Remember the trajectory of the fork? Plate, mouth. Plate, mouth.
Kan, talking to the cat: Even if I didn’t have you, it would be okay because I have a Michaela.
Mim/Me: Who?
Kan: Michaela. My imaginary friend, Michaela. She’s standing right here! (Points to empty space at the table.)
I see an opportunity, and I’m taking it.
Me: Hey, Kan… do you think your imaginary little friend would like to spend the night in Mimosa’s room and watch her sleep?
Mim: No.
Aaron nods vigorously, says: Mmmmmhmm. Plate, mouth. Plate, mouth. (Broccoli tumbles.)
Kan: She HAS been. She stands and sleeps in there every night.
Me: See?!! She LOVES you.
Kan: Sometimes she stands in the living room…
Me: You mean, when Mim comes home late at night and the lights are off that Michaela is just standing there in the dark just waiting for her?
Kan, gleefully: Uh-huh.
Mim: (gurgling sound) Don’t you think she wants to go home to her OWN family?
Kan: Nope, she has no family.
Me: Ils sont MORTS!!!
Aaron: HANNAH!!! Everybody eats everything!! (Sings this next bit) They can eat birds, they can eat crocodiles, any kind of manimal, maniminals, manina… um elephants.
**I read this to Mim, and Kan goes, Who are you sending that to? Mim says, Our friends. Delighted moans from the children. Kan screams, I can’t believe I SAID any of that! Aaron screams, inexplicably: JESSICA!!!!
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18 comments:
What are you feeding those kids? Mushrooms? Special mushrooms? It sounds like a carnival over there.
That is so funny, because I have been looking to aquire an imaginary friend, or foe...I am not picky.
:(
laura, you know how we do.
how's the healing? need anything? like 2 children who can eat 7 bowls of cereal in one sitting?
oh shit man. so not okay with some dead girl haunting your house. elle sont mort indeed! now if only i could figure out how to place all those l's, des, de, la, le... nonsense nonsense.
simona and i were both fluent in french before english, but our skills, erm, are a little rusty these days. solution? reading French poetry to each other every night. reason number 5 billion why we should be lesbians.
If the cereal starts building up, I'll be sure to call.
Otherwise, I am in hiding. Just removed the bandages today-- it's not pretty. I'm inventing a better story. Maybe I was attacked by a bear? Or mistaken for a tree by a lumberjack?
Anyway, if you need to scare the children, you know who to call. I'll be here, praying for an early halloween.
jesus christ. stop speaking in french at the dinner table. jesus. i shouldn't have to explain myself.
love,
CLAUDIA!!!!!!!
STACEY!!!!!!!!
KRISTI!!!!!!!
MALLORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how about: you were the tree attacked by the bear? or the waist of the otter in the teeth of the tiger?
seriously tho, it would take a lot to make you a monster (aw), and pls coming to wine group next week. you and i are the only desperate drinkers there :)
MALLORY!!! i can't find my phone. and i keep feeling anxious. i think it's bc we haven't shouted at each other today. btw, could you quit one of yr jobs and come down here this weekend?
perhaps you can blog an encouraging-humorous-dire... post about how i will eventually learn to parle francaise so that i too can do as you do. i would be most entertained. do you take requests? is it too much too soon?
I think that the comments section is becoming more popular than your blog; it is so fun in here. Maybe I should settle for an imaginary dog, and then I only have to pretend to pick up after it, like many people do in real life.
mendacious, you got it. won't be a prob, as i can rely on my own extensive dire experience. :)
wrd, i will be happy to be your imaginary friend or foe or pet. party at the comment-tower!
so, this is my late-night TV now... because it takes me an hour to catch up on all i've missed, and i'm laughing to myself in silence while my crackhead neighbors scream at each other and occasionally pause to wonder what i'm laughing at, and if it's them...
i LOVE that mamie cited all of the original members of the babysitters' club. and i LOVE that i know the names, still, to this day, much like i LOVE that i knew 15 out of 10 matchbox 20 songs that played the other day at the bookstore -- elation and shame.
meanwhile, i love you both, and promise to make this blog as much a late-night ritual as is david letterman and knitting socks.
meant to say: 15 of 20.
never. drink. before. commenting.
also meant to say:
didn't know ANY of those songs.
It seems to be inherent that writers partake in spirits to release the demons within. This is also my new hangout. I almost like it better than leaving the house. This could be dangerous.
sal. never leave us again. who needs zoloft with you around.
wrd. if we're gonna have spirits, they may as well be tipsy. don't leave the house. order chinese. put your feet up on the virtual ottoman and kick back.
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