SB2K8

so, my day peaked when "nobody does it better" came on the easy listening station and i got to do my best carly simon in the middle of stopped traffic on I-85. after i did my taxes and found out that i OWE the government money. this is a first. i did it on the computer and it has this price-is-right-ish thing in the upper corner that flashes numbers in the green when you get a refund and red...well, it started out green. very green. then i entered the restaurant W2 and everything went red.
oh, and just now i sat down at this coffee shop that serves alcohol and ordered a beer. why? because it's SPRING BREAK. idowhatiwant. anyway, i say to the waitress:
"i left my license in the car. but i swear i'm legal. i'm a teacher."
for some reason i always say that when i can't find my ID. "i'm a teacher." dunno. anyway, she cuts me off with, "don't worry about it. you're obviously way older than 21."

i'm sorry. "way older?" it's like the lady who told my mom that she looked "well preserved" last weekend. i thought she was going to pull out her gloc.

okay, none of this is important. what is important is wal-mart. listen, i don't want to shop there. no one wants to watch parents beat their children with hair brushes by the faded glory stand. it's just that wal-mart's always been there for me. like the worst pimp. the time stevie and i cooked thanksgiving dinner and i didn't know grocery stores closed on the most gluttonous day of the year? sam walton. the time morgan popped both lenses out of my eye glasses the sunday night i had to write a twenty page paper on jane campion's the piano? sam. where else are the new ipod nanos 145$? the summer after fifth grade when we were broke and my mom had, like, 60 bucks to buy me back-to-school clothes? mix and match brightly colored t-shirts and biker shorts.

it makes me sick with guilt in a way starbucks doesn't, what with their kick ass 401K plan for partners.

lastly:
hannah sent me flowers this weekend, for reasons i will not disclose here. (if you haven't figured it out, we try not to tell you people anything that requires we be earnest.) anyway, her card reads:

if there's one thing white people love, it's BEING THERE for someone. while there are many coveted rituals associated with BEING THERE, the ideal situation presents when the friend is far away. here, white people excel. and nothing makes them feel more sophisticated and understanding than sending a thoughtful gift to illustrate their thoughtless compassion and flawless good taste.
XOXOXO, H.

pretty sweet. what's better is that carlyle, also being a good friend, brought over a bouquet of gerber daisies. so he goes to put them down beside hannah's--keep in mind hannah's are, of course, entitled "canary song tulips" and are something helen mirren would send maggie smith or cate blanchett after a terriffic dinner of veal and blueberry risotto. so he sets them down and then stares at both of them, looking defeated. like on oprah's big give when one of the saps only raises, like, 46,000 dollars for the guy who needs to pay off his student loans...or something equally dire.

also, avett brothers. tomorrow.
also, the flo' rida album dropped today. this isn't irony. this is sheer, unadulterated joy.
also, i took my mother to charleston. it was a surprise. although it shouldn't have been. people should forever be planning trips on which to take my mother. she works that hard. she's like martha stewart with a soul. she's somehow kate spade and janeane garofalo. and, we manage to get in these moods once a quarter when we hate everyone but each other. anyway, we drank and ate and watched 27 dresses in bed and bashed men...which REMINDS ME!!!!

my karma for implying men who like waitresses are sexist and insecure?!!! i fell in love with each and every bellman (bellboy?). hot, those people. and they're constantly in a state of getting your car and carrying your stuff and hailing you a blacked out excursion in lieu of a cab...so you ride around town with your mother looking like young joc and jermaine dupri.