this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down.

i have to say this, because it so totally surpasses what's happened to hannah (see? we'll just call it that..."what's happened").

preface: when i was a kid i thought grown-ups who didn't have children were weird. like, way weird. i didn't get it. what was wrong with them, i'd think, while eating pads of butter off a cutting board or as i bit my sister's big toe so that she had to go to the hospital. i mean, WHO DOESN'T HAVE CHILDREN? IT'S UNNATURAL.

skip to: i call my sister, molly, just now because we're having a morgan family reunion at the folks. partay, people. all weekend long. i've been told to bring cheese and fruit platters (this and wine are all i'm good at...no one's dumb enough to have me, say, bring a roast). she answers, only it's as if she's in a nightclub on the dance floor. and if you know my sister, who has a strange affinity for sweater sets, this is not an option.

her: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

me: what the fuck is happening?

her: shake it, morgy! go luke! go luke!

in the background: will smith's song, "switch." the entire family (including 5 and 2 year-olds)is singing in unison. after an entire minute, she turns it down.

her (still shouting): hey, mame! sorry. we're driving home from school and totally breaking it down.

i take the phone away from my ear and just stare at it. i don't want them. i don't even want goldfish at this point. furthermore, i don't understand.