The Battlefield Where the Girls Say I Love You



That's just the thing: we will never tell you we love you. In fact, we're here only to hold hands across state lines and yell at the world. We're here to try to touch you across this chasm of flown things. Not even that. At most, I will teach you how to make a gin smoothie when there's nothing left in the house. Hannah can teach you several languages and what to do when your car breaks up with you. Thanks for coming out.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

another steve, or: i'm in love. with the after school program director.

this is it. the Real Thing. dunzo. i'm marrying him. he's perfect. walk in looking like i've spent the night in an alleway and he's standing there all golden and clean, looking like he runs orphanages in places like calcutta and jo-burg. he looks at me like he's going to solve all my problems before he leaves to surf indonesia.

i want to say: Hello, I have two darling children that I'd like to enroll. instead, i anxiously fold my arms over the almond butter stain one of the darlings left smeared on my shirt and say after an uncomfortable pause: Help. he looks at me, grins, talks about the program. this is what he loves to do. if he could do it for free he would. that building next door? he's buying it; he's expanding.

i nod, i half-listen, i wonder if it's too soon to ask him over for wine and story-time.

he's telling me they do yoga once a week. i don't do yoga (it makes me panic), but it still makes me swoon.

then, he's telling me that he travels (as if i didn't know), had been in thailand recently.... with his girlfriend.

a sound escapes, a disappointed moan.

'i mean, with my girlfriend at the time.'

cue the freakish julia roberts mega watt smile.

two dimpled, cherubic girls run up shouting Daddy.

'they're your children,' i tell him accusingly.

'no, they're just goofballs.' the girls attach themselves to his limbs. he smiles indulgently. they say, ' we just WISH he was our daddy.'

jesus christ. a destination wedding--scotland. castles. bagpipes. this is the romantic comedy of the year, the love story of the season.

7 comments:

T. said...

it's like 'Must Love Dogs' in reverse, or something.

hannah said...

no, see. i don't do romantic comedies. which is why i feel i'm living the wrong life. i don't even know what 'must love dogs' is exactly bc i couldn't make it thru it on the plane. love diane lane and cusack, but together? i'm not sold on that chemistry.

all of this will clearly change. it's going to nicholas sparks adaptations and 102.7 from now on.

Mamie said...

oh my god. next weekend is going to be the best. i'm going to be the perfect supporting actress (think: janeane garfalo in "reality bites" meets brittany murphy as "ty" in "clueless") for this set up hmmmm...i have to get there on a school day...

Anonymous said...

shut up. are you coming next weekend? i'm sitting in class while they peer-edit (hyphen?) and i almost started crying right then, reading your post.

Anonymous said...

it's on like donkey kong, player.

Anonymous said...

So, what's your sign?

Anonymous said...

not sure who that is pretending to be steve (i was just JOKING anyway, jesus), but eric and/or tom: i hate you, don't talk to me.