The Battlefield Where the Girls Say I Love You



That's just the thing: we will never tell you we love you. In fact, we're here only to hold hands across state lines and yell at the world. We're here to try to touch you across this chasm of flown things. Not even that. At most, I will teach you how to make a gin smoothie when there's nothing left in the house. Hannah can teach you several languages and what to do when your car breaks up with you. Thanks for coming out.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

coffee, cars, and other accidents

so, my car (this is hannah--FIX IT MAMES) has been dead for 3 years. today, the shop calls and it goes a little something like this:

me: it's the transmission, isn't it.

disgusted car guy: well, ma'am... it's the durnedest thing.

me: god. how much. just tell me how much.

dcg: well, now, it's not exactly your transmission. we ain't never seen a thing a like this. it's just something brand new.

me: shit. just tell me.

dcg: it seems that over the years, you've spilled so much coffee down the center console on yr gear shift that you've done gummed it up so good it won't shift. ma'am, we've never seen that much spilled coffee.

i am a total idiot. it took 3 men removing the center console and scraping out the coffee and the full diet coke that i vaguely remember spilling there a yr ago. my car messiness has cost me $200. but to be fair, the damn drink holders are RIGHT ABOVE the gear shift.

easily the hilight of my life though is this:

i go to play tennis with tom. and he falls down.

boom, down. just like lavendar.

just a heap of tom and racket. with the shoe he fell out of lying nearby.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

There's a moral there. It's like that old tv show, Paladin.

Anonymous said...

Paladin? I just spent 30 mins looking it up. Show: Have Gun, Will Travel. With a character called 'Hey Boy'--who is... an 'oriental porter' apparently :)

Anonymous said...

Also, I think you're yelling at me to not spill entire drinks in the car. And, I guess you should be. But Tom falling should have been a foil, a distraction.

Though Tom, it does have to be said: your serve puts mine to shame.

Anonymous said...

Oh, sorry. I was just quoting that scene from 'The Things They Carried.'
Ted Lavender gets shot. Goes boom, down. Or so says Kiowa.

Thought that was the reference you were making with Tom and tennis...

Sorry for the obscure literary interloping.

Anonymous said...

omg. yes, i was of course referencing o'brien. and no, i wasn't being defensive. not at all :)

zapped while tennis-ing.