The Battlefield Where the Girls Say I Love You



That's just the thing: we will never tell you we love you. In fact, we're here only to hold hands across state lines and yell at the world. We're here to try to touch you across this chasm of flown things. Not even that. At most, I will teach you how to make a gin smoothie when there's nothing left in the house. Hannah can teach you several languages and what to do when your car breaks up with you. Thanks for coming out.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

black tuesday:

while "tevo" screams horribly-suited-lawyer-miranda-from-sex-and-the-city-2001, i was excited when my roommate (bryan) received it as a gift for christmas. last night, there was something too-fast-too-furious about the way we watched our pre-recorded no reservations. we raced through commercials, yelling things like, "take that, kohler sink fixtures." or, "e-harmony this, assholes." we finished bourdain in 46 minutes flat.

so today, the world ended ever so slightly. we will not speak of the ledger here. it's awful. his spirit, at least on screen, always reminded me of my godbrother...who seems to attract blooming flowers, deer, and (somehow) waving reeds as he walks past. as with many celeb atrocities recently, the most devastating part is that he was a parent.

also, the only stock that means anything to my family (by that i mean everything) dropped 98% in profits today. my favorite uncle, who at eighteen fled the mob in new orleans and ran to chicago...who later became an off-broadway actor...who worked with mamet...who became a lawyer at 40...who, at fifty-seven, finally decided to teach in one of the worst school districts in the south...was committed today. lost it. totally over. after months already in a hospital for physical reasons.

also, a state trooper--i'm not even kidding--came and took my car tags off the outback without coming to the door and proceeded to drive away. so, i go to the dmv. after crying. in workout clothes. they say that, while i have car insurance now and have always had it, the insurance lapsed from august 29-september 14. that's it. no speeding ticket. no DUI. the ticket for lapsed insurance? 487$ let this be a lesson to...oh, f*ck it.

okay, what makes me crazy isn't the money (by which i mean: is the money). but have you ever heard of such a thing? a HOUSE CALL for 2 weeks of no insurance several seasons ago? what is this, mayberry?

so i'm leaving the DMV, one plate in hand and one plane ticket short of vancouver, and the lady (name:lauren, fashion statement: blue eye liner on THE BOTTOM LIDS) yells, "you gotta get a new licENSE because you've had a change of address."

i'm not vain, in that i'm totally vain but didn't think twice about it. get the picture taken. wait five minutes. grab and leave. get in the car only to realize, i look the spitting image of amy winehouse post-blonde-ambition thing. seriously. hair everywhere. bloodshot eyes (the crying).

at this point, i'm supposed to go to the opening night of sweeney todd (the play). i give up, call vicky, say "can't." proceed to turn my room upside down stacey/linden from what not to wear style. we're talking yellow gloves, finally unpacking the last box from 5 months ago. i cooked for the first time in forever...like, really cooked. listened to the biggest loser: couples in the background. cried a little (about the yellow team). seriously. it's, i guess, what we do with little else to go on: turn our youth hostel, fast food lives into something we hope resembles giada's room at the W.

i'm beginning to feel normal, at this point. i dare say pulled together. i settle in to watch THE SEASON FINALE of real housewives. only, tevo begins to yell at me. "if we change the channel to 34, we will no longer be recording law and order: svu."

so, really, this tevo thing is no more than a vcr. like, you can't actually do anything else while you're recording.

i call my mother, who is in a much worse position...having been harassed in a local hardee's trying to get a biscuit for my uncle...who's been having this recurring dream that involves driving, slamming her car into a cement wall, and evil cowboys.

she says, "the family that goes crazy together stays together," proceeds to use the f-word every other second. my father yells in the background, "stop it. you've been talking to HER too long."

i call molly to say, "don't even think about calling mom. seriously." molly has locked herself in the bedroom. gavin is yelling two rooms away to the kids: "NOT. ANOTHER. WORD. ABOUT. JUICE!"

and, just now, i broke from blog to read sontag's against interpretation (which is self destructive, in that it makes me crazy). then, upon taking the trash out, dropped very last IPA onto the driveway.

and, hannah and i have developed a stutter after reading neruda's "so that you will hear me."

"it climbs the same way on damp walls.
you are to blame for this cruel sport.
they are fleeing from my dark lair.
you fill everything, you fill everything."

so that our conversations sound like:

"what's that stephen dunn poem? about androgyny? about androgyny?"

"i don't know. i don't know. who's the lady on svu? mariska what? mariska what?"

7 comments:

hannah said...

you occupy everything. you occupy everything. god i love that poem.

i have to go to court on friday. for not wearing a seat belt.

JaySlacks said...

I stubbed my pinky toe yesterday. I know its not like your stuff, but, I mean, it still hurt....

JaySlacks said...

Hannah? Why the hell are you up so early? Shit. Why am I?

Mamie said...

occupy.

fill.

you're such a translation snob.

and what does it even matter, in the scheme of things. in the scheme of things...

:)

Mamie said...

omg. jarvis, we commented at the very same time.

we really ARE soulmates.

hannah said...

it's a different stanza altogether. jesus, you understand me so little. you understand... sorry, i'll stop.

jarv. it's the kids. that whole bus stop job that we have to do in the morning. brrrr.

JaySlacks said...

Soul Mates? Me and Maime? You are way too independent and strong for me. One fight about Faulkner and it would be all over. Nice dream though...